What the Right Teacher Can Do For You
The right teacher can help you or your child discover you can do more, by aiding, encouraging, (and sometimes pushing) in just the right way.
A story from the climbing gym
My stepson is a climber.
He is also a violinist. His long fingers, when they aren't in motion on the violin, are seeking every handhold, shelf, door-frame, and protruding object off of which to hang.
Recently I took him to an indoor climbing gym. I watched as he tried unsuccessfully to navigate the complex holds. He shifted back and forth, made it about two-thirds the way up, then jumped off. "Why did you quit?" I asked. "Too hard," he declared.
Then came the ex-Marine.
A coach at the gym who I'll call "Josh" happened to be watching. We found out Josh used to be a Marine. Josh volunteered some teaching time to us.
Josh put his hands on my son's back, literally pushing up, up, up through the first few handholds. "Get it, get it!" Josh would yell as my son hesitated near the top. "You can do it, come on!" Josh used just the right combination of verbal and physical cheerleading to drive him past what he thought he could do.
Josh expected my stepson to try harder. And suddenly he was willing to do more.
And it wasn't all positive. "Your footwork is terrible," Josh said, "and you need to work on your route management and pacing."
To my surprise, my stepson listened to all of this without any arguing or resistance.
The right kind of push
Josh pushed my kid in ways I could never push him, because a) he had expertise in the field of climbing and could see what to do next, and b) he recognized that my son could do more, and was willing to expend energy on getting that extra effort to come out, and c) he was not the parent!
This is what a good music teacher does!
A good violin lesson will push the student to do more than they otherwise would have.
A good teacher will find the right words and actions for your child, whether encouragement or firm insistence on doing better.
An effective teacher will take that baton from the parent, at least for the duration of the lesson, and be clear about standards, goals, and expectations, even while giving the right support and help to get there.
Of course, we also need to be aware of when we are giving students too much to do, or something that is over their heads, or beyond their maturity level to handle. Quietly retracting a poor choice of exercise for a student who isn't ready is wise, and ensures continued progress.
However, the right kind of challenge, from someone who has expertise and is not the parent, will turbocharge the learning.
It’s because you CAN
"Take it as a compliment,” I often say. “I wouldn't give this to you if I didn't think you were ready."
The message is affirming: You are ahead, not behind. You are capable, not incapable.
We need to let them know they CAN. They look to us as adults and teachers and parents to look them in the eye, and tell them the truth, and give them that inner push that allows them to say "I know I am capable." Even if it means letting them do it wrong in the moment, we can tell them that we know they can do it differently.
That plants a seed, affirms that a good quality is inside of them, and tells them that they are growing into a better person.
Not a guilty thing
You, dear parent, aren’t always the right person for the job. This is not something to feel guilty or down about. Instead, realize that this is natural. You aren’t a failure!
Instead, put your child in front of a teacher who can push in the right way, because they know your child well and know what they are capable of, and crucially, they aren’t in your role. This makes it easier for your child to hear and absorb.
As you pass the baton over to the teacher in music lessons, you get to stand back and just watch the results.
That’s a very satisfying thing, indeed.
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